In at least this post (by the absolutely divine Lady Grinning Soul, who I can’t imagine you’re not reading, but if you are not, you MUST!) and several tweets this past week, the subject of losing one’s virginity has been tossed about. As this is a topic I’ve had on a list for myself anyway, now seems like the perfect time to jump on it.
But first, a note that some might find curious. I do not consider the instance of losing my virginity the same as the first time I had sex. I’m sure you’ll understand as you read on. 🙂
I lost my virginity when I was 16 (and a half). The “honor” was supposed to go to the love of my life at the time, Chuck. It almost happened, too, one night when my sister and I had snuck (sneaked?) out of my bedroom window to hang out with him and his best friend, Marlan. However, he and I both had the restraint to know it should happen somewhere slightly more dignified than atop a washing machine in the coin laundry at the back of the apartment complex in our neighborhood. I wouldn’t finally have sex with Chuck for more than another 8 months (and it still wouldn’t be my first time) but through a strange chain of events, I did lose my virginity to his best friend exactly one month later. That’s really not as bad as it sounds.
Quick aside: My sister (2 years my junior) and I were very close in high school and were often partners in crime. Crime being sneaking out and skipping school. My mother was very overbearing and overprotective, not allowing us any sort of freedom to be regular teenagers. So we took our freedom where we could. We didn’t really do a whole helluva lot during those excursions. Sometimes Chuck would drive us around the general vicinity of where we lived, or down to the beach. Sometimes we’d go to someone’s house and hang out. Sometimes we would just wander our neighborhood. In retrospect, we were two very careless but VERY lucky girls, because nothing bad ever happened to us.
The night I lost my virginity actually began the night before that. My sister and I had once again snuck out to roam the streets of our neighborhood. After a bit, we met up with Marlan, his brother, and another guy from the neighborhood, Ronnie (no, not for anything like that!). As you can imagine, at 1am in the morning there really isn’t much to do out on the streets for a group of teenagers with no car (for reasons I can’t recall, Chuck and his car were not around that night). We quickly grew bored. Marlan’s brother decided to just go home and go to bed. The remaining 4 of us decided to sneak back into my room. I stole one of my grandmother’s beers from the fridge (yes, just one, so daring!) and brought it back to my room.
Passed around, the single can of beer did not last very long. Our next bright idea was to play a game of Spin the Bottle/7 Minutes in Heaven. However, we did not have a bottle so we used an aerosol canister just like this one instead.
And with only 4 people, the game had to be modified a bit. The plan was person 1 would spin and then whoever it landed on would spin. If it landed back on person 1, provided it was someone of the opposite sex, then they would go into the closet. If not, it would keep going around until it went 1-2-1. And so the game began.
It needs to be said here, I had no desire or intention to make out with either of these guys. Ronnie (his family were called the Roachheads… you know how mean kids are) was gross and I knew my sister had a thing for Marlan. They were left alone together the night of the aforementioned laundromat incident, and while they didn’t have sex, I assume they at least made out. So really, I set this up for my sister’s benefit. Because I’m a good sister like that. Or something. And I had a boyfriend anyway. No, not Chuck. He was just my best friend. My boyfriend was Bo. We’ll get to him later. What?? I was a teenager! No judging! 😛
Anyway, the game went for a few rounds before the necessary conditions were met. For brevity’s sake (and because I don’t remember the EXACT way it went down), we’ll say it went something like this: me > Ronnie (shudder) > my sister > me (weird) > Marlan > me. Rut roh! I just kinda froze. Marlan said, “What? You don’t think I’ll do it? I’ll do it!” I looked at my sister, who looked very disinterested, so I looked back at Marlan and replied in a daring tone I didn’t really feel, “Oh, I’ll do it too, I don’t care!” He replied, “All right, let’s do this then.” And with another brief look at my sister who was still uninterested, he and I went into my closet and shut the door.
We didn’t start kissing right away. We talked for a bit first. I told him that I was surprised he wanted to do this with me, that I thought he liked my sister. (Quick note about my sister: everybody liked my sister more because she was 14 with DDs. Quick note about Marlan: he was the “it” boy and always had a new girlfriend. Quick note about me: my sister had DDs, so my Cs couldn’t compare and I didn’t get a lot of attention.) He said he did, but that he has liked me ever since he found out that I was that girl from the third grade.
A bit of history: I moved around a lot as a kid. 21 different schools between kindergarten and high school graduation. No, my parents weren’t in the military, they just always hoped the grass would be greener somewhere else. I did, however go to the same school here in my hometown from second until fifth at the same elementary school and started the sixth grade center with the same kids. One of whom was Marlan. I think he was actually in my second, third, AND fourth grade classes. But in third grade, he bet $1 against his best friend, Wade, that he could get me to “go out with him” first. I was a very popular, pretty, smart, blonde-haired little girl and they were both cute little Cub Scouts. So they both set to writing me those “Do you like me? Will you be my girlfriend? Check yes or no” notes. But Wade’s desk was closer, so I got his note first, and said yes immediately. Poor Marlan lost $1, which in 1985 was still a decent amount of money for a little kid.
I moved away about 6 weeks into sixth grade, but we moved back here for good in 1990. Over Christmas break of that year, we moved into the house where this story takes place. As a result I ended up going to the same high school as I would’ve attended had we never moved away. This little bit of third grade history had only recently been discovered by Marlan. I remembered him immediately by name, but not specifically that incident. However, upon recounting people and things we remembered, I mentioned going out with Wade and thus jogged Marlan’s memory.
After Marlan said that he liked me, he kissed me. I remember thinking that he smelled like corn dogs and deodorant. We kissed for a bit, but then he stopped to tell me that I’m a much better kisser than my sister. Then the making out really commenced.
I don’t know for sure how long we were in the closet, but it was much longer than 7 minutes. We were in there so long that when we finally came out, my sister and Ronnie had snuck back out the window because they were bored waiting for us. So we went to go find them.
They hadn’t gone very far, just around the block. I think we walked around for maybe half an hour before we decided to call it a night. We all made plans to meet up again the following night.
The next night, my sister and I anxiously awaited for my mom to leave for work. We gave her our usual 15-minute window and then out my window we went. We walked around for about an hour without running into anyone and even went to Marlan’s house to toss pebbles at his window, but got no response. Finally we decided we were tired, gave up, and went home.
Once we got home, we changed into our pajamas and crawled into bed. She and I were sharing a room and a full-sized bed at that point, because someone was living with us and she didn’t want to share a room with our youngest sister. I had just closed my eyes when I heard tapping at my window. It was Marlan. My sister said she wasn’t going out again, that she was going to sleep. So I let him into the window and he and I went into the closet again, closing the door behind us.
We did more talking than making out that night, probably for a couple of hours, at least. Finally he leaned over and kissed me. Again, I noticed he smelled like corn dogs. We only made out for a few minutes before he said he wanted to have sex. Thinking about it right now and looking back, I can’t remember that moment at all. So many other tiny details of that night are crystal clear, but that one is wrapped in haze. I don’t know exactly what he said to me or what my response was. Like I said, before the previous night, I hadn’t really had much interest in him at all. So it’s not like I was just waiting for him to ask.
At any rate, the space in my closet was really too cramped to do anything more than make out, so we opened the closet door and peeked out. My sister was asleep and snoring. The clock read 4:11am. We stretched out on the floor at the foot of my bed, half in and half out of the closet.
For the next few minutes, everything happened very quickly. He got on top of me and kissed me. We took our clothes off: me only my shorts and panties, he everything but his socks. He fingered my pussy briefly. When he started to get on top of me again, I asked him if he had a condom. He stopped and replied that he didn’t. We just laid there for a minute.
Believe me when I tell you that I know now and I definitely knew then how ridiculous this next part was. It all happened so fast that I didn’t really have time to think or to react rationally. So please, forgive that poor, stupid 16-year-old girl.
He said to me, “If I go pee first, it will be okay.”
“You can’t use my bathroom! My grandmother is asleep on the couch!”
Instead he climbed out my bedroom window wearing only his socks and pissed in my backyard. He was back in under a minute.
He lay on top of me again, not even bothering to kiss me first. He was moving between my legs and I just kind of laid there, stunned at what had just happened, waiting for it to be over. I didn’t want to do this, but I didn’t know how to stop this series of events. I don’t want to give the impression that I was raped, by any means, because I did consent, even if I didn’t want to do it. He was having trouble entering me and I asked him if he needed help down there. He said that he did not and finally put his small penis into my vagina. Thirty seconds later it was all over. You’ve heard the expression “2 pumps and a dump”? That’s literally how it was. He went in-out-in-out and then shot a little pool on my belly. I’ve always said it felt better when he fingered me than when he fucked me, and his fingers were bigger, too.
After he spewed, he laid down on the floor next to me for less than a minute. Then he told me that I’m a better lay than my sister is. I kid you not. Again, exact words escape me here, but that’s the gist. I asked him when he fucked her and he told me it was two weeks prior. He got up, put on his clothes, lit a cigarette, said he had to get home before his dad woke up, and left out the window. I glanced at the clock. It was 4:18am. I had not moved at all since he came back in the window from pissing in my backyard.
All I could think about was that I couldn’t believe I’d made sex out to be such a big deal. That was it??? I’d been thinking and obsessing about it for my whole life. My biggest fear was dying a virgin. One of my common phrases for how much I didn’t want to do something was, “I’d rather die a virgin.” Yet there it was. Over. Done with. And I felt nothing.
I got up, pulled on my panties and shorts, went to the bathroom to clean his cum off my belly and pee. Numbly, I went to bed and fell asleep. It was October 10, 1991.
My alarm clock went off a few hours later and somehow I dragged myself out of bed to catch the bus to go to school. On the short ride to school, my sister and I decided that we didn’t feel like going. Once we arrived at school and got off the bus, we immediately met up with her friend and my best friend and the 4 of us walked off campus, in the direction of my house. There is a community college between my high school and my neighborhood, and when we skipped school we would walk there to catch the city bus to go wherever we wanted to go instead. Halfway across the college campus, we ran into Marlan and his brother, making their late walk to school since they’d missed the bus. His brother went on to school, but we’d convinced Marlan to skip school with us to go to my sister’s friend’s house.
He did not speak a single word to me that entire day, but instead spent the whole day trying to fuck my best friend. At first she was buying into his charm, until I told her about the night before and then she was having none of it.
The funniest part of the story is that my sister got in contact with him a few years later. They were hanging out one night and she brought him home to see me. (She had moved in with me and my roommates during her senior year of high school.) That night, he tried to get me to fuck him again. I laughed in his face. I wanted to say, “Are you fucking kidding me? Do you not remember that I’ve already been there and done that??” Instead, through some chain of events that I no longer recall, I got a picture of him naked, wearing only my black bra. I just spent 15 minutes fruitlessly digging through some boxes to find it so I could scan and post it. Don’t worry, I know I still have it somewhere and I WILL find it. 😉