The real-life adventures of a girl who is willing to try just about anything.

Monthly Archive: October 2012

The usual

It begins as it often does. I exit the bathroom after my nighttime toilette to find Roland lying uncovered on his side of the bed. His cock may or may not already be hard because he’s been stroking it while waiting for me. I pull my hair back with an elastic and crawl onto the bed. I may kiss him first, either just a peck or with more passion and duration. Most often, I go directly for his cock.

I either lie on my belly or sometimes I stay up on my knees, but rest on my elbows. I rarely use my hands. I just lean forward and slowly kiss the head of his cock before licking it gently and drawing it into my mouth. Roland likes slower, gentler blow jobs, not the kind you see in most pornos where it looks like she’s trying to yank his dick off. So I take my time, running my tongue along his shaft and around his glans, teasing with my teeth, and then sucking him into my mouth again.

As I’m sucking his cock, loving the feeling of it in my mouth (especially as it hardens), my pussy grows wet. If I am on my knees and elbows, I can sometimes feel it dripping and running down my thighs. Roland usually rubs my back or glides his fingertips over my skin, giving my gooseflesh and making me moan around his cock. Sometimes he will finger my pussy and play with my clit. When the sensations get too intense for him to do much more than focus on the pleasure my mouth is giving him, he will either put his hand on my ass and squeeze occasionally, or he will put his hand on the back of my neck to guide my rhythm and tempo.

Although I love having his cock in my mouth and especially love it when I am able to make him shoot his cum down my throat, nothing compares to having him in my pussy. So once I have him good and hard, all I can think about is fucking him. Without delay I remove one set of lips and get ready to replace them with another, hungrier set.

He knows what is next and is ready for me when I straddle him. He holds his ruler-straight cock so that it is pointing upward and I impale myself on him. No matter how wet I am, how ready, how much he has finger-fucked my cunt, that first moment of penetration always makes me gasp as if my hole has never been entered by finger or dick alike. Nothing compares to that initial contact.

I start very slowly, leaning forward with my chest almost touching his, and work myself up and down his cock. Both of us have our eyes closed, lost in the wonderful feeling of joining our bodies. Because of the length of his magnificent member, I can’t take it all right from the start. I have to work my way down, taking it inch by inch, going down further each time. Finally, with my upper body almost parallel to his, he is balls-deep in my cunt.

Now that he’s in fully in there, I can really start to ride him. I don’t sit up just yet because now is the perfect moment to kiss his full, sensuous lips or blow warmly in his ear or nibble on his neck. He loves those things as much as I do and I can feel his cock tense inside me when I do them. As payback he will lean up and take one of my nipples in his mouth to suck on and then bite gently. He is immediately rewarded with my moans and a gush of wetness around his cock.

I lean back now, feeling him pierce me so deeply it hurts. Rocking my hips pushes him even further into my cunt and I bite my lip against the pain. The pain that I crave more than any other. By this point my clit is throbbing and my skin feels warm all over. I lift myself and then slam back down against him, ramming his cock against my cervix. After a few strokes he lifts his hips to meet my thrusts and I cry out. He reaches up to knead my breasts and pinch and pull my nipples, softly at first but with increasing roughness and pressure.

When I really ride him and fuck him hard, sometimes the tension in the muscles causes my hips to freeze up. He recognizes and understands that, so without breaking stride or pulling out, he picks me up and flips me over on my back. Although the pain at times can be excruciating, I ignore it and spread my legs wide. Our eyes lock as he fucks me at his own pace and rhythm, taking full control from here.

He puts my legs where he wants them. Sometimes they are bent at the knees and pushed back. Sometimes they are extended straight out as wide as they can go. Sometimes he lifts my hips and puts my legs over his shoulders. Sometimes I wrap them around his waist and use my hands to grip his ass and pull him into me harder and harder. But one thing never changes: now that I am on my back, he is pounding into my g-spot and I very badly want to cum.

I reach down between my legs so that my fingers may find my engorged clit. It’s so sensitive that you’d think I would barely touch it and then explode in orgasm. Unfortunately for me, that is never the case. Very gently and lightly I use the moisture accumulated there to rub over the tip of my clit. My cunt contracts at the first touch. For the next several minutes I glide my finger over that one spot until I feel I am almost ready.

Reading my breathing, moans, and cries as if he wrote the book himself, Roland starts to fuck me even harder and deeper than before. When he sees me speed up and press down, he increases his speed as well. My eyes are closed and I am all sensation at this point, focusing all of my concentration on my clit. At last I open my eyes to look up into his.

At that moment, he says the exact words I need to hear. “Cum for me, slut.”

My whole body convulses and shudders as my cunt grips his cock with my orgasm. I writhe and moan and cry out. Every nerve ending on my body is alive and jumping. I have been holding my breath for an untold amount of time and now I gasp as if I am breaking the surface of the ocean after being submerged. My hips buck against him and then I feel him go rigid inside me. His cock pumps hot semen into my spasming cunt and he jerks against me, thrusting reflexively and causing me to cry out again as he jabs into my tender pussy.

For a few moments we are almost stuck together. My body is still quaking with aftershocks and his finally relaxes against me. The moment he withdraws sends shivers all over my body and triggers the biggest aftershock of all. He collapses down on the bed beside me.

Slowly we manage to catch our breath and our pulse calms down. At last he leans over to kiss me goodnight. We say ‘I love you’ and then each roll over, turn off our bedside lamps, and go to sleep.

TMI Tuesday – The LONG and the SHORT of it

Thank you Erotic Adventures in Brisneyland for the following TMI Tuesday questions.
The LONG and the SHORT of it

1. What is the longest relationship you have been in?
My current relationship with Roland. Saturday, October 27 was our 6th anniversary. 🙂

2. What is the shortest relationship you have been in?
I had several flings in my 20s that lasted maybe a couple of weeks.

3. How often do you have sex? How often do you want sex?
We usually have sex at least 2 or three times a week. In a perfect world, I would be having sex at least once a day. I want sex almost constantly.

4. How long does sex usually last?
I think on average we go about 20-30 minutes, depending on how long we have and what time of day it is.

5. Have you ever had an experience where someone couldn’t perform, finished too quickly or couldn’t keep up with you? Tell us about it?
I would venture to say that anyone who has never had at least one of those 3 things occur is lying. We’ve all been through something like that. Probably more than once. It’s completely normal. There are so many factors to consider. One or both partners can be tired or drunk or nervous or overexcited or understimulated, which are all things that influence performance.

6. If you could only have one “type” of sexual encounter for the rest of your life, would you prefer
a) short and sweet
b) wham bam thank you ma’am
c) here for the long haul
d) slow and tender

Honestly, as much as I love rough sex, I would take option D over anything else. I like it when we take our time to enjoy and explore each other.

Bonus: Would you consider ending an otherwise healthy and loving relationship if the sex wasn’t what you wanted?
No. Sex is the easiest issue to resolve in a relationship if both parties are willing to try, and if it is otherwise loving and healthy, then I don’t see any reason why they wouldn’t be. There are just so many other options besides ending the relationship.

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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblogfrom your website!
Happy TMI Tuesday!

Sinful Sunday – One for the road

Today I drove down to Orlando to meet up and have a late lunch with a couple of friends. On the way back, I decided to hit up my favorite toy store, Fairvilla Megastore, for something to help me pass the time on the drive home.

*click* for a new perspective…

I put it there as soon as I got to the car. I kept it there on high for half of my ride home. Finally, I had to pull over and make myself cum. The rest of my journey was sooo relaxed!

Posted in participation with Sinful Sunday, hosted by Molly’s Daily Kiss.
Click below to see who else has a sex drive this Sunday.

 

TMI Tuesday – Then & Now

Thank you to the TMI Tuesday reader who submitted the following THEN AND NOW questions. He wanted to remain anonymous.

1. What one part of your sex life today would most surprise the 17 year old you?
Hahaha… ALL of it!!! I have always been very highly sexualized and obsessed with sex, but I was completely naive about so many things. When I was 17, I felt that blow jobs were very degrading and never would have deigned to lower myself for such. A year later I was doing it for my 31 year old biker boyfriend. And we all know I’m a cocksucking whore, now. 
Speaking of that older boyfriend, I also distinctly remember explaining to him why I would never want a threesome. I said to him, “I would not want to see my man with another woman, nor would I want to see my woman with another man.” Now I totally get off on those exact things!
2. What one thing might shock that younger you?
Perhaps that my 2nd oldest friend/ best friend from 7th grade would become my lover. 🙂 Of course, if she’d known about my same-sex adventures from when I was 14 and living in Missouri, maybe it would’ve happened a lot sooner! There was so much time wasted! I think our lives may have been drastically different. What do you think, Joanna?
3. What part of the younger you’s (not necessarily at age 17) sex life do you look back on with the most nostalgia?
My body!!! And stamina. But I’m hoping to reclaim both of those, particularly the stamina. I know I’ll never be 155 again, nor do I ever want to, but I’d settle for 175-180. 🙂 My ass and legs looked so fantastic at that weight!
4. Is there anything in the younger you’s sexual ambitions or fantasies you have not yet fulfilled?
I’ve still not had sex in a cornfield!!! Somehow when I was 14, that became the thing. Possibly because I was living in Missouri and cornfields were everywhere. It just seemed like it would be a great secret place to have sex. My friends and I would joke that it would become so hot in the cornfield that the corn would pop. So “making popcorn” became slang for having sex in my 8th grade year. 
Bonus: Give your 17 year old self a piece of sexual advice.
Practice CONSISTENT safer sex!! I can’t think of anything more important than that. I’ve been extremely lucky, considering how dumb and careless I was for so long.
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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
Happy TMI Tuesday!

Sinful Sunday – Happy trail

“Sinful Sunday is all about the image.”

His jeans were hanging off his hips in that way

I had to share this super hot photo Roland sent me when I was out of town last time. Although I love the cock shots I always get from him when I’m away from home, this is definitely far sexier.

Posted in participation with Sinful Sunday, hosted by Molly’s Daily Kiss.
It was picked as one of the top 5 images in her weekly round up!
Click below to see who else is having some beefcake this Sunday.

 

TMI Tuesday – Can we be just friends?

Thank you to Erotic Adventures in Brisneyland for the theme of this week’s TMI Tuesday.

Can we be just friends?


1. Have you ever had a friendship with a someone where you secretly (or not so secretly) desired them?
I will say that I have the most fuckable friends on the planet. I want to do all of them. Seriously. Some more than others. One in particular has earned the nickname “my 7-year conquest.”

2. Are you prone to jealousy, suspicion or insecurity when your partner spends time with an attractive close friend without you? Why?
I like to think that I am not prone to this at all, but sometimes I do get a bit jealous. Mostly if he gets to spend time with someone that I do not. I feel like there are certain people with whom I just do not get to spend enough time, but it’s because we all lead such busy lives. I am not jealous of his time, however, because I am more than willing to share him.

3. Has a previously platonic friendship ever bloomed into a sexual relationship?
I’ve had several of these, actually. One of my oldest friends, with whom I have been friends since we were 12, and I have been occasional lovers for the past several years.

4. Have you ever remained close friends with an ex-lover?
I don’t know that I am close friends with any of them that were solely lovers, but I am still friends with a few. Some are friends that became lovers but we ceased to be lovers and returned to being just friends.

Bonus: Have you ever developed feelings for a “friend with benefits”? How did it develop, unfold, resolve?
I have feelings for all of my friends, to one degree or another. I have probably fallen in love with each of my friends in turn. I have an enormous capacity for love, so my feelings don’t diminish when they are not returned with the same intensity that I feel. On a couple of occasions I have had to take a step back and put a bit of distance in the relationship just for the sake of self-preservation, but with time the distance could be erased again.

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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblogfrom your website!
Happy TMI Tuesday!

Sinful Sunday – Band aid

“We are not Groupies. Groupies sleep with rock stars because they want to be near someone famous. We are here because of the music, we inspire the music. We are Band Aids.” 
– Penny Lane (Kate Hudson), Almost Famous



Last weekend I had the extreme pleasure of seeing one of my all-time favorite bands, The Greyhounds, perform TWO NIGHTS IN A ROW!!! Before then, it had been about 8 years since I’d been able to catch a show. In recent years, they’ve been performing with one of my other favorite bands, (JJ Grey and) Mofro, so I did see them a few years ago as part of that act. But it had been far too long since I was able to see them play their own music.

I will relive both nights in my head for a long, long time. Both shows were excellent and I danced my ass off, getting all hot and sweaty in the humid Florida night. I also spent a fair amount of time talking with the band. In all honesty, I would’ve jumped at the chance to do much more than just talk with them, like the good little band slut that I am, but they are all really nice guys and I guess for just a little while I wanted to pretend to be a really nice girl, too.

Of course, I wasn’t such a nice girl that I didn’t get at least one souvenir out of the deal. Nothing like four hot, talented guys touching your breasts at the end of the night! Thanks for indulging me, guys. Just remember that next time you come around, I’m more than willing to be the one indulging you!

Photo taken by the owner of the bottom signature on my right boob.

[Btw, Dee, although I wasn’t trying at the time, I believe this may be the first ‘bar/pub’ photo, am I correct? It was also a concert, but after the fact. :)]

Posted in participation with Sinful Sunday, hosted by Molly’s Daily Kiss.Click below to see who else is showing off their signature assets this Sunday.
 

Seeing eye to eye

While I am not a shoe fetishist, per se, getting a new pair of shoes has become something to be celebrated. At least when those new shoes are high heels. I am a big fan of chunky platform heels, particularly wedges. I just so happened to pick up a new pair yesterday. Last night, Roland and I got a chance to break them in properly.

Roland went to the bedroom to get ready for bed around 10pm. He came out shortly thereafter, completely in the buff. He sat in his desk chair, legs spread to show off his cock in all it’s magnificent, erect glory. I turned from my computer to ogle him and asked if he was trying to tell me something. He replied that he’d like to break in my new shoes. 

I was right in the middle of something at that moment, so I told him to give me a couple of minutes. He settled in and started viewing some porn on his computer while I finished what I was doing on mine. When I was done, I got up and went to the bedroom without any announcement. 
I quickly undressed and completed my nighttime toilette, so that I would not have to do it later. I fastened on my new shoes and threw on a cute, sexy nightie. I let my hair down, brushed it, and shook it out, so that it kind of billowed around my head in a tousled way before walked down the hall to the living room and stood in the entryway. Roland heard my heels clunk on the hardwood floor of the hallway and his eyebrows shot up once he saw me.

As he approached me, I realized that my new shoes made us almost exactly the same height. He looked me up and down appreciatively and put his hands on my hips, pulling me toward him. For the first time ever I was standing and looking him directly in the eye. Instead of me reaching up and him leaning down to kiss, all I had to do was press my lips directly to his. It was almost like kissing a stranger!

He pulled away and took my hand to lead me through the bedroom to the back door and the deck. I’m not exactly sure why, but my new shoes are always put to the first test outside in the night air. Perhaps it’s because outside the best option is to fuck while standing and we like to see if the shoes are the right height for that.

Once outside, I went directly to the railing and leaned against it, pushing my ass out. I like to hang my head over the side of the deck while Roland fucks me. It’s about 20′ above the ground. Not only does it give me a slight sense of dizzying vertigo that increases my arousal, it allows me to look over into the neighbor’s yard to see if we attract any attention. Roland came up behind me and I felt his cock press right between my legs instead of the small of my back where it would be if I were flat-footed.

“These shoes might be almost too tall,” he said. I chuckled in reply.

My laughter was engulfed in a gasp that quickly became a moan as his hand parted the lips of my cunt. I was so wet already that I not only felt, but actually heard the juices fall from my pussy into his hand. I was soaked! His cock twitched against my ass in response. With no delay he shoved his first two fingers into my hole. Involuntarily my pussy tightened up and gripped his fingers as he slid them out and in again. He fucked my cunt slowly and sweetly, making me grind against his hand and moan.

Suddenly he removed his hand and the next thing I knew, he was sitting on the deck between my legs, burying his face in my pussy. My knees grew weak once his tongue was on my throbbing clit. Never before had he licked with such fervor. He dined on me like a man breaking an untold fast. Regardless of how much he lapped away, juices flowed over his chin and down his chest. I could hear the drops hitting his skin.
I don’t know how long he was down there as I bucked and rode his face,. I knew his cock must be about ready to explode, because that’s how my pussy felt. Finally, gasping for air, he resurfaced. Carefully, so as to not knock me over, he got up. Once on his feet again, he kissed me deeply. All I could smell was my wetness all over his face. His lips and tongue tasted like me. I guess in many ways it was the next best thing to eating my own pussy. I do love the taste and smell of my own cunt.
After a few moments he broke our kiss and resumed his position behind me. I barely had a second to register the tip of his cock at the opening of my cunt before I felt it deep within. I couldn’t help but cry out and my only hope was that it wasn’t nearly as loud in the quiet night as it sounded to my own ears.
Roland fucked me hard and fast, his hands alternating between squeezing my bouncing tits, gripping my hips, and pulling my hair. He also gave my ass several stinging swats for good measure. I was in heaven.
Considering everything that lead up to that point, I’m a big surprised he lasted as long as he did. At last with a loud grunt, he dug his fingers into the love handles and held on tightly, his body wracked with the power of his orgasm. Each time his body jerked, he penetrated me even deeper than before. It was all I could to to remain on my feet. My legs felt like jelly. When he withdrew very slowly, all of my exposed flesh broke out in goosebumps as I shivered with pleasure.
Once again I felt my pussy spill, this time with his juices as well. It ran down my legs in a warm gush. One drop fell on the suede upper of my brand new shoes. The stain remains and now they were thoroughly broken in.

TMI Tuesday – Fuck yeah, it’s random

Hey, hey, hey, hey…Time to get random again on TMI Tuesday. Why? Because it is fun to know random stuff about you; it can reveal a lot about your personality.

1. Tell us about your sluttiest act ever.
I can’t lie. I’ve done some really slutty things. So many that it’s really hard to judge the “sluttiest”. However, I was recently reminded of one extremely slutty night…
Years ago, not long after I’d found a new job I went back to visit former co-workers. One of them was this hot guy, Aaron, who was the lead singer of a local cover band. He invited me out to see him play that Saturday night. I said that would be cool and he gave me all the info. After he went back inside, my friend Lucy said, “Girl, he wants to fuck you so bad! He was hitting on you so hardcore!” I was fairly astonished. Somehow I’d completely missed it! Having this brought to light completely set the tone for the evening.
Saturday night I went over to Lucy’s house to get ready. Her husband was going to drive so that she and I could drink as much as we wanted. As was appropriate, I wore my little black dress and strappy black heels. And no panties. Hey, he was hot, I was single, and I hadn’t been with a man in about four years! It was the only thing to do!
We got to the bar and I pretty much started slamming back drinks and shots as soon as we got there. It didn’t help that Lucy was buying them! I don’t know how many shots of Goldschläger I drank that night, but I’m sure I could’ve easily swallowed a whole pound of gold! And I know I lifted my dress and flashed the bartender at least once for a free shot. So it didn’t take long before I was pretty drunk.
I was really laying it on that night, dancing all sexy right in front of the stage. Aaron couldn’t keep his eyes off me! It was definitely very hot in there! Lucy still jokes with me about seeing me in action that night. It was a sight to behold, I’m quite sure.
After the gig was over, Aaron played the part of the gentleman and walked all of us to Lucy’s truck a couple of blocks away. She and her husband got inside and Aaron and I made out all hot and heavy against the side of the truck for some unknown amount of time. Finally we pried ourselves apart. Then I got the great idea that we should give him a ride to his car since he’d walked all the way over to where we were. Really, I was just angling for some more make-out time! He was quite the kisser!
We didn’t stop once we got to his car, either. In retrospect, I feel bad for Lucy and her husband for having to endure all the slurping and moaning, although she assures me that no apologies are necessary. (Especially since she more than made up for it herself in my backseat!) Once again, he and I managed to extricate ourselves from each other so that he could leave. He got out, we said our goodbyes with promises to be in touch soon, and then we left in our separate vehicles. I apologized profusely to Lucy and her husband. He was too embarrassed to really say much, but all she could do was laugh!
As it turns out, the evening was not yet destined to be over. A few miles up the road at a stoplight, I looked over to see that Aaron was in the car next to us. He didn’t even notice because we had to honk the horn to get his attention. And speaking of horn, I had it big time! I took this as a sign, rolled down the window and told Aaron that he should pull over. A few blocks up the road was a restaurant with a very dark and shady corner and he found it. Lucy’s truck had barely stopped before I jumped out of it and into the passenger seat of Aaron’s car.
Once I was in his car, my mouth was on his and I was ripping into his pants faster than the car door could close! To be honest, the exact details after that point are a pretty fuzzy haze of hotness. I do know that I didn’t fuck him then. Probably because his car was too small. (That happened at my apartment a few days later!) I also know that I sucked his cock as if both of our lives depended on it and he came at least twice. I have no idea how long I was over there, but Lucy insists it was at least 45 minutes to an hour. Since I was trashed, I can only take her word on it!
The multiple loads I swallowed must have really put me over the top, because we had to pull over several times for me to get sick on the way back to Lucy’s house. The last time I vommed was along the side of her driveway. I was so embarrassed. The next day, at least. I was too drunk to care much about it that night, hehe. The next day she and I were couched up the whole day, each with a pail while her husband nursed our hangovers. 
When I mentioned this question to Lucy, she said the answer is her. 😉
2. Have you ever played air-guitar. . .naked?
Uh, who hasn’t??? 😛
3. To what song do you most like to play air-guitar either clothed or naked?
“Darling Nikki” by Prince. Do you even need to ask why? Also the bass line from “Yeah Yeah Yeah” by The Greyhounds.
4. Are you good in bed? Why?
Yes, I am good in bed. Because I enjoy sex and I don’t take it too seriously. I mean, I take giving pleasure VERY seriously, but I believe one of the best things you can do during sex is laugh. It’s supposed to be FUN! So relax and have a good time!
Also, I do things to my lover(s) that I think feel good when they’re done to me. Every person’s body is different, but there are a lot of common factors. I’m also very good at reading body language and taking cues from my lover(s).
5. What FEELS Sexy to you–tactile sensation? (Leave sight and taste out of this)
A light touch, almost tickling, feels sexy to me. It’s actually the quickest way to turn me on. I love it when Roland trails his fingers across my skin, barely touching me. It gives me chills and instantly makes me wet.
Bonus: Write a six eight word autobiography.
Lover of life, beauty, love, and other lovers.
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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblogfrom your website!
Happy TMI Tuesday!

First night on the pole

Tonight I had my first pole dance fitness class. Roland signed me up through a daily coupon deal: $75 for 10 classes. When I got the email with the offer, I’d forwarded it to him because he and I had discussed many times the possibility of me taking a class. He replied to the email asking me if I would really go if he purchased it for me. My response was that I would definitely go if it was his money spent, that I had no problem wasting my money by never going, but I would feel the pressure not to waste his money. See, a while back I purchased one of these deals for 10 Zumba classes. I went to the first one and never went back.

The class was supposed to be only a 45 minute beginners’ class. However, out of about 12 or 13 women, only 4 or 5 of us were true first-timers. Everyone else had been at least a few times to this class or another one elsewhere and there were at least 2 or 3 women from the advanced class. I was the heaviest one there, but there were a couple of others who were definitely not thin.
I was excited by the thought of the class, but very nervous. I am extremely out of shape. In fact, I have honestly never been in shape my whole life. As a child I was often sick due to asthma and allergies. I had pneumonia and bronchitis more times than I could count. When other children were outside playing, I was inside reading a book. Even as I got older and better, my mother kept me from really doing a lot of things. She even made me drop out of marching band due to my asthma! So I never developed any sort of healthy exercise habits. This has plagued me in my adult life, especially now.
We began the class with some very light, quick aerobic exercises and stretches, just enough to get the blood flowing. Some hip wiggling and booty shaking. Then we began the pole exercises, starting with the basics. Honestly, though, I don’t remember any of them, because I couldn’t do most of them. I have no upper body strength at all and poor coordination and balance. But most of all, I have almost no confidence in my ability to do any of these things.
Thinking about this after the class made me want to cry. I’ve learned something about myself tonight. I don’t like to do things that shake my confidence. Overall, I am a very confident person. Sometimes overly so. I almost don’t know any of my limitations and feel like I can do anything I set my mind to do. Where my confidence might lack, my brazen (and often reckless) chutzpah will get me through. However, in this class, those things count for almost nothing. They got me there, but that’s as far as they go.
I’m not usually someone who gives into fear, but I had a lot of fear tonight. Not even necessarily fear of embarrassing myself. I felt mostly safe in the environment and everyone seemed really supportive. But I was afraid of injuring myself. So I held back in really trying to most of the later exercises. The other more advanced women were very encouraging to me, saying that it would get easier, that I would be able to do it. But I don’t know that I truly believe that. 
Another thing is that I don’t think I do very well in these mixed skill level classes. This is truthfully what kept me from going back to the Zumba class. I am very uncoordinated and clumsy. I can’t even do the Electric Slide, one of the simplest line dances there is! It is very difficult for me to learn basic steps from just watching an instructor do it once or twice, especially when on the third try, we’re supposed to be doing it with her. These classes are so fast-paced that by the time I might get the hang of it, they are moving on to the next thing. I need someone to kind of hold my hand and walk me through it step-by-step. That’s how my confidence builds. I don’t want to trip over my own feet.
So I sit here, worried and very discouraged. I really want to be able to do this. And I don’t want to disappoint Roland. I don’t want to disappoint myself. I will keep going for all 10 of the classes. Hopefully, I will get the hang of it. Everyone assures me that it’s true.
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